What does it takes?

I made this OT cap for my hubby.  He was delighted but he told me that he could not wear it at the OT. I forgot there will be hygienic issues for wearing unsterilised items. All i wanted is for him to stay strong. For him to remember; he will always look upon as SUPERHERO in the eyes of the family.

It wasn't easy for both of us, for the kids and the rest of the family. For the past 2 years it's getting tougher when he enrolled for the Masters program. We could count literally how many weekends that we spent together. The rest was just the kids and I, doing as much as enjoyable things possible to keep us occupied in our on sweet home; without the presence of the father.

We missed a lot of events, celebrations, weddings, and even funeral ceremonies.Most of the time he would be in a trapped position. For instance, just about 2 weeks ago, he was oncall when our little baby, the youngest one breathed rapidly. The RR was 60 in the morning and stay at 60 by 8pm. I have done what i could, i was traumatised with the past experience (he once admitted directly to the ICU) and i think of calling an ambulance. Our second kid was at that point of time suffered with Chicken pox and i could not bring him to the hospital. 

With the help from my brother who later came in and take care of the other 2 kids, my hubby rushed back to home,  and bring the youngest one to the emergency department. Alhamdulillah, after 2 hours he was discharged. On our way back to home, he said that he was trapped. Between the family, the job and the PERCEPTIONS.

Sometimes he would come back from the hospital, with a look that you know would stay like that for the rest of the day. Disappointed, upset, downhearted and distressed face.I would asked if i have courage (and if i'm not too tired).  Most of the medical officers would have the same feeling whenever they face with fatality case even they have tried the very best to save the patient.

I remember amongst the story was a mother of two children with a low risk pregnancy and everything went well until her BP dropped rapidly after the delivery. It took a few hours for a team of specialist to rescue her and at the end, it was the unfavorable ending. He said the hardest part was to convey the news to the husband who was waiting anxiously with the kids. And he faced the similar situations over and over again.

I would remind him of Qada' and Qadar. Not that he does not know that fact. He does. He just need a reminder to console his heart and his disappointment. A hug and inspiring words to remind him that he has done his best and should not blame himself.

And with these past few weeks never ending debates on you-know-what, it was hard not only for him but for me too. I just could not imagine such persons and 'groups' would exist. Accusations, blaming and throwing unpleasant words as if they don't need medical interventions by any means. I certainly have failed to understand their cause. Upon discussion with him, i agree that we should just 'watch and see'.

I will continue my life as it is. I know there are many similar families out there that have done tremendous amount of sacrifices. They are all the unsung  heroes. Let's God be the judge


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